The future

Those two words above have produced a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes and worry in my soul the past few days.

I have been a Christian since I was thirteen years old. I have grown up in the church but that doesn't mean that I haven't doubted things.

Back in the fall, I had a serious time of doubting my faith and I am at a more stable place now. But I am seriously struggling with one thing: God's plan.

I am going to graduate college in about three months and I am freaking out. I know that God has a plan but sometimes that is very hard for me to hold on. I was looking at jobs the other night and I started crying. I don't know how I am going to be able to leave all of my amazing friends and especially my amazing professor, Dr. Lindholm that I have talked about before.

A quick side note, I don't know where I would be without Dr. Lindholm. She has been there for me since day one and I am so going to miss our conversations, prayer times and discussions about everything from Jesus to Sex. You know that you have found someone super valuable when they are willing to have open conversations about sex. I truly look up to her and I am so very thankful that she is in my life.

Anyway, I know that God has a plan for my life but sometimes the future is scary and unknown. I wish that God would write my answer in the sky. On days like today and the past few days, I cry, pray and repeat.


I will wipe my tears and smile because I know that I am in his hands.

Linzy Westman: Worship EP Kickstarter

photo: Linzy's Facebook Account

This is beautiful young woman is a friend of mine named Linzy Westman. She has a heart of gold and she is such a beautiful young woman. My friend Linzy is working to raise money to make a worship EP. I have had the privilege of getting to know Linzy over the years. She is one of the most beautiful and genuine people that I have ever met in my life. Her love for the Lord and especially for others is infectious! We have had many amazing coffee dates and I always walk away with such joy in my heart after being with her. 

Linzy's heart is to really share worship music but in order to do that she needs your help! She needs to raise $8,000 by February 21, 2015 in order to fund her project. 

Here is just a sample of her amazing and heartfelt music:

For more information on this amazing lady that I am honored to call my friend, visit:

Linzy's Worship EP Kickerstarter

I hope that you are encouraged and inspired by Linzy and her music! 

2014 Highlights

As 2014 comes to a close, I would be remise if I did not recap the year because that is what all the bloggers do at the end of the year right?

Well I wanted to recap this year mostly because it was such an amazing year.

So without further ado here are my highlights from 2014:

1. I ended my junior year in May and in June I had the trip of a life time when I went to California for an internship. You can read more about that experience at the following links:

Hello L.A.!

L.A. Edition One

L.A. Edition Two

Recap of my trip: You Make Me Beautiful: Reflections from California

2. I had my radio debut with Joni Eareckson Tada! It was amazing and something that I will never forget. I wrote a blog post about it here: My Radio Debut

You can listen to the interview with Joni by clicking on the link in the blog post or by going to Joni and friends website: Jessica's interview with Joni

3. The third and final highlight of the year was starting my senior year of college! I cannot believe that I am senior this year! This semester went so fast and I know that next semester will not go any slower. I am excited to see what God has for me next semester and beyond. I really enjoyed the design courses that I took this semester and the other courses that I took.

I cannot not wait to see what 2015 has in store for me. It will be a year of change and transition with graduation on the horizon but I am believing that God has amazing plans for my life!

Here's to a wonderful start to 2015!

Happy New Year friends and thank you for reading my ramblings for another year :-)

Accents of Pink

I know, it may be childish to still like the color pink. But I think that sometimes even the things that we had as a child, care over into adulthood. I wrote the following poem a few weeks ago for one of my classes. The poem is called Accents of Pink.

Accents of Pink

On a clear March day, 

as the sun pushed over the horizon,

 I pushed breath out of my lungs,

my lips went 

from a blue tint

to pink

fighting for life

at a mere 1 lbs. 7 ounces

Years later,

Pink bows adorned

my wispy hair 

as I struggled to 

speak and to force my body 

onto wobbly legs

ready to see the world around me

Pink casts hugged my legs

and my toes matched 

after surgically cutting into my tendons and muscles 

to have my time walking like a ballerina 

come to an end 

The smell of fresh pencils and a new pink folder

signaled the first day of the worst four years of my life:

high school

I fought through those years

and with diploma in hand

looked ahead to more promising times

My new college dorm room

still remained pink 

even after all those years

and I went into college a girl

and I will come out in May

as a woman

Pink is still constant

but my life has changed

I came out a fighter 

and I will continue to fight

for all the opportunities 

God has in my path

You Make Me Brave: Reflections from California

Me and Joni after the open House

The Amazing group of Interns! 

"You make me brave

You make me brave

You called me beyond the shore

Into the waves

You make me brave

You make me brave

No fear can hinder now 

The love that made a way"

The following lyrics were from a song that I discovered while I was in California and the more I listened to the song, the more true the lyrics rang in my life. 

During my time in California I experienced so many amazing things and I tried so many new things that I never would have if I was at home. I tried new food which for me is a big deal since I am generally not a very adventurous eater. 

I also was able to meet many new friends through the internship and at the Joni and Friends office. The group that God put together was so perfect and I am so blessed and honored that I got to meet each and every single one of them. We were at a restaurant one of the first nights and the waiter asked us how long we had known each other and we replied that we had only known each other a few days. The bond that we had was amazing and I miss every one a lot and I cannot wait for our paths to cross again. 

The internship program that I went through is super unique because not only do they give you tools to use while you are there but they give you tools to use when you are back home. Through the teaching of the Beyond Suffering Course and the Lead Like Jesus course I was even more inspired and motivated to help and make a difference in the lives of those with disabilities. 

I also really enjoyed the Friendship clubs that we got to be apart of. The groups are like a youth group for adults with disabilities. The group started with singing some songs and then we put on a skit and then there was table time where people could talk and do a craft that had been related to the Bible story. I posted the following on my Facebook page after going to two different Friendship Clubs:

"Monday and Tuesday evening, the interns had the opportunity to attend a program called Friendship club. A place where adults with disabilities can come and hang out and hear and experience in a tangible way the love of Jesus. I went along as "just the photographer" and I was just going to stay in the background. But not only did I capture some amazing shots but my heart was blessed by the entire experience. My heart has been blessed with this whole experience even in the moments of exhaustion and tiredness. The Lord has blessed me with an amazing group to do life with. I am so humbled and honored that I have had this experience and I cannot wait to see what is ahead."

I was brave so many times during this internship: meeting new people, trying new foods, stepping out during new experiences like friendship club and especially going on the radio which you can read about HERE. But my bravery did not come from my strength alone but from the holy spirit. I am so blessed and honored that God gave me this amazing experience and I cannot wait to see how God is going to use everything that I learned in the future. 

Here are a few more pictures from my amazing experience:

Hanging out on the balcony with a few of the interns

The theme verse of the internship

Group photo op with Joni after she spoke

My Radio Debut!

Last Tuesday, August 12th, I got the experience of a lifetime and something I could have only dreamed of:

Yes People, I was on the radio with Joni Eareckson Tada! 

If I had a bucket List, I would have been able to check that off! Seriously, It was such a blessing to be able to share about my life and especially about the internship! I will let y'all know when the radio interview is supposed to air. For those of you that know me, you know that I get super nervous when I have to be in front of people and what not. I was terrified to do this and I kept reading over what I was going to say 100 times before I actually went into the studio that day. 

y'all can I just take a minute to share about this wonderful woman? Joni works tirelessly to make sure that her ministry continues to affect those with disabilities. In her talks, she says that there are some days that she cannot do quadriplegia but she knows that with God's help she can. When you talk with Joni, she makes you feel so special and she truly cares about you. Her love for Jesus is unlike everything that I have ever seen and its seriously inspiring. I am so blessed to call her my sister in Christ and to be part of this opportunity with the radio and also with the internship as a whole. Now back to my story:

I got in the studio and Joni asked me to give her a hug and I told her I was nervous but she said not to worry. We prayed right before we started recording and I felt this sense of peace wash over me. We went through the interview and when we finished Joni said that usually they have to run through things 2 or 3 times, but mine was fine and there was no need to go through anything again. God was truly present in the room and I felt like Joni and I were just having a normal conversation. 

It was a beautiful experience and something I will never forget! 

L.A. New Edition Two

"Steve Smith reporting to you live again from the beautiful state of california....After this weather update, we will hear from our field reporter, Jessica again. But first for your seven day outlook. It's going to be HOT here in california just like it is the other seven months of the year when it is not considered summer. okay. that was easy. now onto Jessica's update....Jessica....are you there? 

"Yes, Steve I am here! I am still loving southern Cali and I am excited to share with our viewers the events of the last few days. 

When I talked to my other fellow interns they said that they were enjoying the program and that they enjoyed all of the rest of the teaching for the Beyond Suffering training. But we were all excited for a few days off to enjoy the beauty around us. 

Sources close to the interns reported that they visited many sights such as a beach and a park but would not disclose either location for their privacy. According to other sources, the group enjoyed time at a local church on Sunday which they all really enjoyed. 

The highlight of the weekend for me was hiking a hill with my new friend Mary. Again, I cannot disclose the location of the hill for privacy reasons but I will just say that it was a great time and that I may or may not have some battle wounds because I may or may not have fallen multiple times. 

There was also also a confirmed conversation that took place between me and the founder of JAF, Joni Eareckson Tada that took place this afternoon. I really enjoyed connecting with her again and it was really fun to talk to her. 

well that is all we have time for folks! 

Jessica, Channel Four (ABC) reporting live from Southern Cali. 

 Back to you Steve, in the studio."

"Jessica, Thank you for that update on your adventures in Cali. We cannot wait to hear what else you have to share with us next week."

And now before we cut over to our cooking segment for the evening we are going to roll some footage that Jessica has taken on her trip.